I’ve Never Seen Star Wars is the title of a Radio Four show in which successive slebs are confronted by common experiences that seem somehow to have passed them by. It came up in conversation at the weekend when we were visiting friends, who had thoughtfully brought down from the loft a box full of their (grown-up) children’s Star Wars toys for Charlie to play with. Needless to say, Charlie’s never seen the film but it didn’t seem to spoil his enjoyment.
A brief conversation about the programme followed and it was then I thought, why should they – the slebs – have all the fun? There’s loads of things I haven’t done (or seen or heard or read or tasted) and here – for your amusement, delight and incredulity – are just a few of them. I hope, after reading mine, you’ll make me feel a whole lot better by telling me yours. It’s easy: you just pick anything you’ve never done but don’t normally admit to, some otherwise obligatory experience that’s somehow passed you by, anything that might make your friend’s jaws drop when you admit to being in ignorance of it and own up.
Here are a few of mine. I’ve never seen:
- Downton Abbey, or
- Friends (I’m like, ‘I’ve soooo not seen friends?’ and she’s like, ‘Oh my God, no way have you not seen Friends!’)
Neither have I read a Thomas Hardy novel. (Although I have listened to Tess of the D’Urbervilles on audio cassette, an awfully long time ago.)
I’ve not been to the USA.
I’ve never eaten oysters. (Actually, I’ve tried them… just never liked them which is unusual as I’m quite keen other shellfish). Nor have I been mountain-climbing, hang-gliding, paint-balling or go-carting.
But perhaps most embarrassing of all, perhaps the most candid revelation of the lot and possibly the point at which you may need to catch hold of your jaw, I’ve reached the ripe old age of forty-something, done a few things not many people manage to do and lived a reasonably full life, yet I’ve not ever even been close to, or within spitting distance of seeing… Star Wars.
Any of them.
And judging from the amount of jaw-dropping there was on Saturday, I think I must be the only one.